How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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