and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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