She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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