he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
