don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize