Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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