Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
