I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
