I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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