Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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