It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
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