On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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