I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
