i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
