Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
