Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
