I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
