Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
