Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Randomize
