I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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