last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
