guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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