they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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