Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i've created a new STD.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
