Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
