why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
