I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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