There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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