I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize