I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
