Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
