He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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