So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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