I CAN MOONWALK!
where does the pee come out of this thing
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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