I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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