I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
