big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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