i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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