my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
