whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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