Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
