Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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