Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
