For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
