I love black thongs
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
