the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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