How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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