if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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