my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
