you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
