Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
