I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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