Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
