I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
