She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize