If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
