I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
