For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
