While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
