i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
