I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
