Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
