Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
