Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize