So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
