I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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