I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I want her autograph on my taint
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
