Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
