Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
