i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
