If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
