I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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