We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
