You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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