you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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