one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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