I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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