My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
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