I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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