p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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