She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
