The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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