Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
